Silence

Silence
By: R.A. Slater
12-10-06

My God, my God
How I long to hear Your voice
Your gentle whisper, a lover’s caress
The thunder of Your glory, a King’s commanding
But when I listen
I fear that I have gone deaf
For all I hear is silence.

All around and about
The world is screaming
Shouting profanities and madness
Chaos beating at me
Turning me in endless circles
Of panic filled confusion.

But inside of me
When I listen for You
Where You used to be
There is only…
…silence.
Maddening…
…deafening…
…suffocating…
…unbearable…
…silence.

I cannot even hear
My heart crying out to You
Pleading for the silence to end
For Your presence to come once again
Beseeching You to come rescue me
From this quiet dungeon
Screaming for someone to help me
Screaming, beseeching, pleading…
Needing this pain to end.

What I would not give
The dreams, the hopes, heart’s desires
Just to hear…
…how I long to hear…
The whisper of Your breath
The gentle pitter-patter, the roaring crescendo
Of the rain of Your presence
For just to hear the rumble
Of that distant thunder
Would give me that hope back again.

Absent

Hey gang!I'm going to be absent from the blogworld for a while. This goes for all my sites {sorry Bob fans} I just need some time away. If you want to know what I'm up to, email me. {shrug}

Light In The Dark

A Light In The Dark
By: R.A. Slater
Surrounded by darkness, fear, chaos ...


I look for Your light, a lamp unto my feet ... but I cannot see the source of the light that brightens my path ...


And realize with chagrin, that the light shines from Your presence in me ... Your light in the dark world ...

Caught

Another old one.

Caught
by: R.A. Slater

How long it has been, Lord,
Since I have stood in the place of Your presence,
Where once we were inseperable.

It has been far too long,
For the memory of Your presence,
Is as a fading shadow in my mind.

You sought to shower me with blessings,
With a love far greater than I have ever known,
But I could not bring myself to trust You.

I could not surrender the very things that hindered,
For great was my unholy and irrational fears,
Of being torn apart and abandoned.

So I wandered far and wide,
Strayed from the path You set me on,
And have come to know the dark wilderness well.

In my pride and arrogance,
I sought to rebel against You,
Foolishly thinking that I could find what You offered elsewhere.

I ranted against heaven,
Poured out my anger and my ugliness,
And was answered with a gentle silence.

You could have thundered in anger and judgment,
You could have rained down hailstones of fire and brimstone,
But You did not.

In Your wisdom You let me rant and rave,
So that I could hear my own words echoing in the silence,
Allowed me to hear my own foolishness.

How small I felt, dirty and naked,
How ashamed of myself I was,
Yet You were never ashamed of me.

I sought to drown in my grief,
Determined to give up on myself,
In a vain attempt to give You permission to give up on me as well.

And You, in Your mercy refused,
Instead You showed Your abundant love,
And pointed me once again to the cross.

Where Love and Forgiveness
Met Sin and Death head on -
And won.

The place where I first met You,
Where we first danced,
Where first I knew Your peace.

There I first tasted freedom,
As I laid my burdens at the foot of the cross,
But it was just a taste, as I did not leave them there.

Your mercy is far greater than my imagination,
Your grace is far stronger than I first understood,
And Your love is more enduring than mine.

For You have shown me a vision greater than shackles and chains,
You have shown me what is possible if I lay my burdens down and leave them down,
And You have promised to help left those very burdens and shackles off of me.

You show me Your gentleness,
Your patience which far outlasts my own,
And You paid the price for my sin with Your own blood.

My fears You have eased,
My spirit You are gentling,
My heart You are winning.

You relentlessly pursued me in my wandering,
And with great gentleness You have caught me in Your strong arms,
And promised to never let go.

He Knows My Name

Written almost a year ago: 6-24-05

He Knows My Name
By: R.A. Slater

Yahweh, Jesus
Emmanuel, Jehovah
Christ, Messiah
Lord, Savior….
And yet He is friend
This Being of immense power and authority
He stretches forth His hand
To span our unending universe from pinkie finger to thumb
He strung the stars as a necklace
And hung the sun and moon in their place
With care He placed the planets in their orbits
These heavens declare His great Majesty
There for all to see
His glory is indescribable
And words cannot contain its weight
What am I that God would be mindful of me?
I am but a speck of dust compared to a mountain,
Yet He knows my name
One out of uncountable humanity
My life is to Him the blink of an eye
But His thoughts toward me are without measure
Amidst all creation He sees me
And His love for me is as immeasurable as His glory

Shattered

Written---now

Shattered
by R.A. Slater

Once again
Caught unawares
Shattered

Broken
In shards
Scattered

Told to go away
To stay away
Given no choice

How much more
Why does it have to hurt
Where can I hide

No one to hold me
To stop the bleeding
Dry my tears

Jesus
I cry out to You
Needing You

Pain too great
Aching
Black hole

Silence
I wait for You
Waiting

A Simple Prayer

No date given...{shrug}

A Simple Prayer
by: R.A. Slater

Father God -
......I receive Your Mercy
......I receive Your Grace
......I receive Your Forgivennes
As You have shown me mercy,
......Help me to be merciful
......To share Your mercy with others, even the unmerciful.
As You have shown me grace,
......Help me to show Your grace at work in my life
......To those who don't know You.
As You have shown me undeserved forgiveness,
......Help me to be forgiving
......To forgive the unforgivable
Speak into my life as never before,
......Let Your words ring loud and clear
Dispel this fog of conufsion that seems to surround me,
......And help me to see You as never before -
......To see Your face and Your glory
......Your vision for my life
......The things You would have me do
......The words You would have me speak
......To see in others - to have You seen in me.
Lord, I can do nothing without You,
......You are my breath and my heartbeat.
You have placed this fire and passion within me,
......A vision too grand to be of my own imagining
......And I long for You to bring it to be
......For all Your promises are Yes and Amen -
......And I know that Your promises extend to me.
Amen.

Father God ... I've Come Home

Don't have the exact date on this one, but I know that it had to be sometime in either September or October of 2001. Because of the issues I had going on in my life around the same time as the 9-11 attacks. I actually finished laying the issue to rest last night, so the poem needed to be revisted anyway. Made me smile.


Father God...I've Come Home
by: R.A. Slater

Broken and Bruised
I crawl back to You
Hoping against human hope
That You will forgive me yet again
Expecting to hear a resounding "NO"
Instead my heart melts at Your resounding "Welcome back"
Your gentle hands lift me,
And I wince in pain at the balm of Your love
The balm which is Your tears and Your blood
Applied to my wounds, shed at my iniquity
With gentle fingertips
You wipe the tears from my eyes
And wash me clean from the stains of my sorrow and torment
You whisper words of forgiveness and all consuming love
Into my aching soul,
And You hold me...
You Hold me as if I were Your most precious daughter in the entirety of creation
And as Your eyes smile at me......
......I know that I am

Figment

Another old one transposed from My Secret Place. 1-9-06. Written with a certain person from England on my mind.

Figment
by: R.A. Slater

Like a phantom you walk the corridors of my heart and mind
Your kisses steal my breath
Your touch brings a trembling
My heart longs for your presence
My ears long for the brush of your lips whispering your love
My skin longs for the caress of your hands
As a flower longs for the summer rain to wash over it
Yet when I open my eyes, you are no longer there
And I wonder if you are real, or a figment of my imagination

Embers Of Glory

Another old one. I'm not sure of the date. Enjoy!

Embers Of Glory
by: R.A. Slater

Here in my hand I hold embers of Glory,
That which once was fire falling from heaven.
They are all that I have left,
Of the manifest Shekinah Glory of God.
Can they burn bright once more,
That which now dimly flickers,
No longer lighting the night with radiance?
Can they be coaxed by the breath of God
To turn to a pillar of flame once again,
As His presence once was in my life?
And if so, as the word of God says,
Will I be able to sustain the flame
Which He so graciously rekindles -
Or will I once again neglect
And let the fire burn down to smoldering embers?


found the date: 4-21-02

Satisfy

Here's one that I posted on my old Amazing Grace Blog. Dated: 8-16-05


Satisfy
by R.A Slater

Satisfy
Fill my life
With things that are good

Satisfy
Give greater joy
When I am sad

Satisfy
When I'm dry
Pour into me

Satisfy
Do not deny
The hunger inside my heart

Satisfy
Hear my cry
For more of You

Satisfy
When I doubt
Strengthen my faith

Satisfy
Heal my heart
Bind up brokenness

Satisfy
Catch my tears
In Your bottle

Satisfy
Hear my prayers
That rise up to You

Satisfy
You satisfy me
Always satisfy

Deep Enough?

The date on the email said October 20, 2003

How deep is deep enough?

Deep Enough?
By: R. A. Slater

I’m way down deep
At the bottom of this pit
And the walls are very steep

I’m up to my knees in mud
But I know it could be worse
I could be covered with dry dust

It is warm down here where I am
My bones feel as though they’re aflame
Though I see no fire burning

The darkness is thick and heavy, but that’s all right
For every drop of glory that falls into this pit
Splits the darkness like a flaming meteorite

I can see His light shining
In the great far distance
Letting me know that I’ve not been abandoned

The walls are too steep to climb
I am torn and bruised
Exhausted from trying

Perhaps if I dig deeper
I will find a hidden reservoir
Living water to refresh

O Lord, I cry and shout!
Let the rain pour in!
Open up the deep!

Fill me from within
Cover me from above
Won’t you please shower me with Your love?

May Your falling rain drench my skin
And combine with the rising deep
To lift me above to where You are

For Your glory I do long
In Your presence I wish to dwell
Where Your promised joy strengthens me

It is for this I await
With expectant faith
At the bottom of this well

A poem on demand

I was babysitting the other day and was playing school with the little girl [who's a rather demanding teacher btw] and one of my assignments was to write a song. Poem, song, same thing right? I got a "star" for my poem.


Lord, how You satisfy me
The longings of my heart
The thirst of my sould
You hear my cries
You see my tears in the night
With Your love You satisfy me

Though I wander around
Without aim, lost and afraid
Though I stand in the desert
unable to see my way out
Still Lord You rain on me
And bring me safely home

Healer, Come Heal

An old one - 12-29-99. Once again, I wonder what was going on. Whatever it was, it must have hurt. {throws hands up in mock surrender} People anyway!


Healer, Come Heal
by: R.A. Slater

Over my heart a scab had formed
A shell of protection to hide myself
And then your words, your actions
Pulled and pried and tore and tugged and shimmied and shoved
And ripped the scab clean away

Here I lie -
...........open, sore, beaten
Weeping along the way
No one to help, no one to listen
My life pours out -
...........oozing, bleeding, dying
And I am left to sit, staring vacantly
With the broken pieces of my life
Strewn about in chaos around me

Try as I might, I can't put the pieces back together again
Like a jigsaw puzzle laying loose, scattered about
A straight edge here, a corner there
The pieces refuse to meet in the middle
No order is found, there is no sense
I am left with this mess
As you go your merry way
Unaware or uncaring of the damage you've done

Savior........come rescue
Counselor........give ear
Put the pieces of Your child back together again
That which mankind ruthlessly, blindfull tore apart
That which she has sundered herself
Renew her broken spirit, make her whole and complete
Give her joy everlasting, surround her with Your freely given love

Spirit.........come guide
Father..........love and hold
Ease the pain in this Your little one
Wipe away the tears, restore the lost years
Repair the brokenness, smooth out the edges
Raise her up in Your power
Stand her in Your presence,
Secure in You
Shower her with Your glory
Rain down Your mercy
And in the quiet, in the raging storm
.................Healer, come heal

How Long

Written last night, 2-21-06. The first two lines are loosely based on some verses in Psalm 84, but I didn't know that for sure until today.



How Long
by: R.A. Slater

My soul longs, and even waits
For You my Lord, my heart aches
I long for Your voice to re-enter my consciousness
As I strain to hear the songs You've promised to sing
I regret the day when I gave up and turned away
But even then You're hand held fast to keep me from falling too hard
And now when I look for You---I cannot see You
Where have You gone, when You've been with me all along?
Please won't You help me, give me some hint
I want to floow after You, but cannot even find a trail of breadcrumbs
Siren songs to the left and right blaring and screaming
Sometimes all through the night
Your voice is either drowned out or is silent
I know not which
I only want to know.....
......How long until I find you once again?????????

Here I Lay

2-8-06

Here I Lay
by: R.A. Slater

Here I lay weeping
No one to see

Wondering what it is
That once again I have done wrong

I am no different from others
All I want it to be loved

I try and I try
But no one hears my desperate cries for help

Are they deaf?
Am I speaking in tongues?

My heart's cry is to be held
But there is no one here

Except for the One in my anger
That I have ignored

How can I go back once again
When where I used to be wasn't good enough

I haven't done anything wrong
Except wanting to be loved

But I am the one to suffer
Along with other innocents

When O God will You hear?
When will You right these wrongs?

My whole heart is crying out
As David did in the Psalms

I am no different except in gender
Can't you hear me just as well?

My God, I am hurting
Please help

My Savior's Arms

I don't have a date for this one, but I'm going to guess it was written in the early 2000's...maybe 2001. Trying to guess by the print on the paper which printer it came from!!! My friend Jen is right, I've been a very sad person in the past. I would give a pretty penny to know what was going on when this was written.


My Savior's Arms
by: R.A. Slater

I can not take it anymore
The pressure is too great, and I am being crushed.
I think I shall pull away -
And sit it the corner -
I will not make any noise and I will not speak -
I will not let what I hear effect me -
I will not feel -
I will not feel the hurt and the pain -
Nor the joy and the peace -
I will not express myself -
And I will not be me -
And as I sit here in my sterile and cold prison,
I feel tears upon my face that did not fall from my eyes.
I look up into the crying face of my Savior, and I too begin to weep.
He picks me up and holds me close.
He whispers in my ear and heart,
"It is alright to cry, daughter," He says.
"Do no tbe ashamed of your tears, for I cry with you,
Yes, your heart is hurting; I know this as My own pain
But do not try to hide yourself away, for this will only hurt you more.
Hide yourself in Me.
The frail walls you try to hide behind will fall down
But if you will trust Me and come into My presence -
You will be far better protected.
Stay in My arms -
And I will hold you as You cry."
And so I will,
And when the crying is done,
I will stay in the protective custody of my Savior.

At the Sound of Your Voice

At the Sound of Your Voice
by: R.A. Slater

Just the other day
Out of the blue
On the other end of the phone
A voice that belonged to you

At the sound of your voice
Time stood still
My heart skipped a beat
I even dropped the book in my hand!

All too soon the moment was over
And we had to hang up
We said farewell and goodbye
Until next time my dear

And though the miles may seperate us
It matters not to memory
For when I close my eyes
I can still hear the sound of your voice

I Can See You

Here was what came shortly after The Secret Me poem, so it was still October 2000. One of the few poems I've written from God's perspective. And honestly, going over some of these old poems where God has spoken to me is really kind of helping where I'm at right now.



I Can See You
by: R.A. Slater

I can see the you that you try to hide
Deep inside your wounded heart
The you that is afraid to be, afraid to fly
Yet who is in plain sight for all to see
For you cannot hide, least of all from Me
You cannot help but be the you that I made you to be
My hand did not hesitate at your creation
I formed every line of your being
I molded your body
I molded your heart and soul
With my own hands
I do not create lightly
And put much thought into you
I feel your pain and your joy
I hear your song in the silence
I see the dance when you feet are frozen in place
I hear every prayer and feel every tear
I hold you in the night, in the fiery trial
And bring your tremors to an end
I hold you close to My heart
For you are no secret to Me
I who created you, loves you
You are not alone and not forgotten
You are never far from My thoughts
You are My child, My daughter, My beloved
In You I have placed My presence
I am the One who placed the song in your heart
I am the One who put the dance in your soul
I am the One who formed the laughter in you
I am the One who gave you this great compassion
I am the One who gave His life for you
That we might spend eternity together
I do not make mistakes
I made you who you are, in that there is no shame
I take joy in you, My desire is towards you
You are my heart's delight, now, forever, and always

The Secret Me

The first part of a companion set. October 2000. Exact date is unknown, as that was the least of my concern at the time...I was just trying to hold on to life at this point. I'll try to post the second one tomorrow.


The Secret Me
by: R.A. Slater

There is a secret me, deep inside
Where no one can see
The me that cries when others laugh
As they inflict a pain they do not understand
The me that laughs for no reason
Except for the pure joy that laughter brings
The me that hides when others draw close
Afraid to be hurt once again
The me that is ignored
When others of greater import are near
The me that is often silent
Afraid to lift my voice
The me who is quiet when others are loud
And loud when they are quiet
The me who despairs over the injustices of this angry world
Whose only power is to pray
The me who rejoices over Your presence in my Secret World

In the night, in the stillness of the shadows
The secret me tembles and quakes
At fears and dangers unseen
I find comfort in Your voice
As You whisper Your love, from heaven above
From deep in my heart, where Your presence abides
Only You can see
The me that longs to be
The me that longs to love and be loved
The me that longs to hold and be held
The me that longs to sing and be heard
The me that longs to dance in Your presence
The me that needs to be, but is afraid to come out of hiding
Afraid to laugh, afraid to love
Afraid to cry, afraid to sing
Afraid to dance, afraid to be held
Afraid to be the me that you made me to be
Afraid to be

O God of my Praise

This was written 3-14-00 at 4AM as the first line can attest. It must have been a rough night. Sometimes, I still feel this way.


O God of My Praise
by: R.A. Slater

Sleep hides in mockery and awareness taunts me hourly
Sins of old and long ago
Haunt me in the still and desert night
When flesh is weak and my defenses are down

O Lord...I want to stand firm on Your Rock!
Covered by Your blood, holy in Your sight,
Forgiven and redeemed
Humble and contrite

Condemnation must flee!
Fear and doubt can no longer keep me company!
Misery - your efforts to linger are in vain
For I am full of life and life abundantly!

Do not be silent - O God of my praise!
Raise Your banner and come to my defense!
Do not let Your enemies get the best of me!
Let Your shout of vistory echo throughout eternity!

Humble and contrite
Forgiven and redeemed,
Covered by Your blood, marked as Your own
O Lord, I come to stand Holy in Your sight.

A Life of Honor

This poem was originally dedicated to my pastors, my praise and worship leader, and my mentor. About May 17, 2005. I wonder if they remember this? Guess it doesn' t matter, it's still a good poem.


A Life of Honor
By: R.A. Slater

To many she was a lost cause,
Broken and shattered,
Wandering blindly through life.
But there were those who saw with Heaven’s eyes,
And saw through the filth and wounds,
Even through the façade she presented.
Together they worked to bring forth a life of honor,
That was hidden deep within the abandoned vessel.
Slowly but surely layers came off,
Sins by her and sins against her,
The garments of heaviness were being laid aside.
Through their acts of kindness,
And love poured in,
They led her to the One who could cleanse her within.
And she emerged in robes of white,
Clothed in righteousness and glory,
And they were not surprised,
For they had seen this long before,
The end which was the true beginning of her life.
And as this woman began to live,
Sometimes stumbling, with faltering steps,
She wished to honor those who had sown into her,
Those who continued to encourage and teach her…
So she wrote this poem.

The Ocean Between Us

Am writing this one - uhm - right now. Yeah, I know there is a novel with a similar title, but this title comes from........well, fact. There really is an ocean between him and I.



The Ocean Between Us
by R.A. Slater

Last night I dreamt that a miracle had happened
The world had shrunk in size
And there was no longer an ocean between us

I could hardly believe my eyes
As you stepped across the now minute span
And took my hand in yours

'Let's not waste this moment,'
You whispered in my ear
Drawing me close to you

I laid my head against your chest
And our arms wrapped around each other
As we danced barefoot on this sandy plain

It was over all too soon
You kissed me once and said goodbye
And the dream faded from my mind's eye

Gone was this miracle for the ocean between us had returned
But the reality of this was no longer harsh
Because I hold you in my thoughts

Diamond in the Rough

The date on this reads, July 8, 1999 [Now would be a good time to mention that I'm not doing these in the exact order that they're in my book] An early salvation poem.

Diamond in the Rough
by R.A. Slater

I am a diamond in my Master's Hand,
My shape is undefined and my light is dim.
My Master smiles as he carefully plans which cuts to make,
Only He can see the beauty that lies within
He loves me like no other and has great plans for me.

Others may be shocked at what the Master makes of me.
Some may be angry, grudges still in their souls.
A precious few will smile and say, "I knew it all along..."
All through this my gaze will be on my Master's smiling face
As He gently whispers with each cut, "I love you."

The cuts are painful, but necessary for me to shine
Each one cutting away the excess baggage of my life
I know that one day the cutting will be through
I will reflect my Master's light with glorious brilliance,
As I rest in the Hand of the One who loves me.

In the River

My first poem ever, back in 1996. I think I've gotten a lot better since I started.

In the River
by: R.A. Slater

In the depths of my soul
I am drowning beneath
The unbending surity that life must go on
Drowning in a bottomless well
Of unshed tears
Fears of a future unknown
And a past painfully known
I can't swim back up the River of Life
The past is the past
I can't go back to what I left behind
Or what left me behind
I can only hope and pray
And cling to the Savior
Who is my lifevest
In the turbulent waters of the River.

A poet by any other name

I have decided to post my poetry here. A lot of old ones will show up here too [I've been writing them for close to 10 years now.] Some new ones will still show up on my main blog. Just because I can.