Vain Imaginations

Vain Imaginations
By: R. A. Slater
06/16/11

The promises of God are “yes and amen”
But unless they are written in His Word
The whispers you think you hear
Are most likely vain imaginations
God never promised me home and hearth
Children playing at my feet
He never promised me fame or world acclaim
Or publishers clamoring for my next book
He never promised me a beautiful life
Free of thorn and thistle
They were vain assumptions I made
Thinking I heard His voice
When they were only my wants and desires
Hearing only what I wanted
Surely He has more important matters
Than one woman's broken heart over lost dreams
Fates of nations and leaders
The lost, the hungry, the ill
The broken, the abandoned and abused
Surely He is mad enough for adding to that number
As am I for wishing such a thing
Even though I believe a good mother I would be
He must think differently
For my womb is barren
As is my heart, empty and cold
Perhaps He has a grander plan
Or perhaps it's been delayed
But I cannot see it
Though I squint and strain
I cannot bare to hope anymore
For it only brings more pain
To keep hearing heaven's “No”
We can't all have our prayers answered “yes”
What a mess that would be
We can't all be Hannah
Some must walk the harder path
Though we stumble and fall
Sometimes becoming lost in the briars
One thing he HAS promised
In this we must trust
He promised never to leave nor forsake us
Even when we wander off
He remains by our side even then
Refusing to pick up a stone when we fall
Helping us to our feet instead
And giving us strength to go on

In Every Wretched Heartbeat

In Every Wretched Heartbeat
by: R.A. Slater
06/10/11

Oh, wretched woman that I am
That such innocent beauty
Should cause me pain and heartache
Instead of the joy and wonder
She was meant to bestow
A tiny bundle sent into the world
But she is not mine
Another holds her
Tiny fingers curled tight
Dainty eyes closed in sleep
At peace with the world
Though it rages around her
I cannot help but long
For a bundle of my own
But I have long ago given up hope
It is not mine to have
It is not mine to hold
So I look on at others' joy
Trying not to show the pain
Making myself numb
Needing to be numb
I cannot feel this pain
Though it is all encompassing
In every breathe I draw
In every wretched heartbeat

Time Stands Still

Time Stands Still
by: R.A. Slater
08/09/11

The clock hits 2pm
And time stands still
Dragging and drawing each moment out
As every man and woman “on the clock”
Waits for the tick to tock
Till they can punch the time card
And run out the door to blessed freedom
Free for a few hours
To play and to chore
Until the morning doth reappear
And once more they drag themselves
Kicking, screaming, resigned
Back into the den of servitude
For bills to pay
Families to feed
And toys to buy
An endless cycle
As sure as death and taxes

Hidden Prayer

Hidden Prayer
by: R.A. Slater
06/09/11

Hide the bruises, ignore the pain
Pray it never happens again
They say I'm foolish to forgive
And naive to hope against the odds
But I pray on anyways
Ever wondering why
Why him, why me
Why the viscious circle
Had to cycle down to our generation
Let it die, let it end
Let it never happen again
Oh, Changer of hearts
Renew our spirits
Let Your grace and mercy flow in
Your blood was not shed for nothing
But for problems like these
Work Your "magic" in us
So all might see
And marvel at Your changing power
I pray on, in the hidden dark
Trusting that You can do all things
Like Your Word says

Perpetual Night

Perpetual Night
by: R.A. Slater
06/02/2011

It took me by surprise
This dark night of the soul
There was no warning
It was just there
Day turned into night
Upon the horizon a faint light
Waxes and wanes
As the Full Moon darkens to New
Perpetual night never turning to day
You have set me here for a purpose
Of this my heart is sure
Though others mock and deride
For my failures here in this dark place
I trust in You alone
To forgive and understand
To shower Your grace and Your mercy
Strengthen me, I pray
And let this night once again turn to day

Crimson Stain

Crimson Stain
by: R.A. Slater
06/02/2011

Another month passes
Crimson stains mar my vision
Another hope dashed
Another dream unraveled
My heart withers within
As the darkness deepens
No tears fall
They were spent
On this rocky shore long ago
And there is nothing left
Except ever increasing sorrow

In a Heartbeat

In a Heartbeat
by: R.A. Slater
01/29/11
Sounds Bites Series #13

"Please Jesus"
In a heartbeat
No time for more
Danger too great
Pain too deep
Trusting You to see
Exactly what it is I need

Choices

Choices
by: R.A. Slater
01/21/11

Do I follow?
This man I do not know
What might lay
On the path he takes?
Should I stay where I'm at?
Wander back the way I've come?
So many choices
Life has to offer
Risks and rewards
Which is greater
I must decide
And quickly too
Before the chance to follow
Is too late to take
As he gets farther and farther away
I must make my choice...

See pic at this post

Through the Window

Through the Window
by: R.A. Slater
01/16/10

I open the shades to let light in
To look out and enjoy the view
Breathing in fresh air
Well aware that strangers come to peep
And peer through the window
That seems fair to me
Because they let me peep
Through their windows as well
Seeing so many things
Their hopes
My dreams
My trials
Their tribulations
The ups and downs of daily life
Shared by a family of strangers
Connected by a little web
Strengths and weaknesses
Balance each other out
Some more talented then others
But nothing held against another
Deep thoughts here
Poems there
Histroical trivia here
Mundane ventings there
So many ideas and thoughts
Myriad of subjects
All wrapped together
Weaving a story too big
For one person to tell
All are needed

Out of the Blue

Out of the Blue
by: R.A. Slater
01/21/11

I was sitting on the side
Trying my best to be invisible
Ignored and forgotten
Feeling so sad and down
And then there You were
A ray of sunshine
Out of the blue
To shine happiness on me
You remembered me
And You wanted me to know
Just how much You thought of me
And just how much You loved me
You have not fogotten
And wanted me to know!

Distorted

Distorted
by: R.A. Slater
01/16/11

I stand before the jagged mirror
Staring at the image it gives me
Looking through the lense
Of a different perspective
How can I ever be me
When all I see are other views
Distorted beyond recognition
Not as You see me
Which is crystal clear
Sharp clear lines and curves
Nothing highlighted
Niether flaw nor perfection
The whole picture
Of who I am
Help me gaze on You
To see myself clear
For all else is distorted
And self obsession

Picture here

Broken Silence 2

Broken Silence
by: R.A. Slater
01/15/11

How quiet it was
This golden silence
That spoke magnitudes
If I had the ear to hear
But that is nearing its end
As you have promised
To break this spell
I've been under
That mortals call Writer's Block
Many do not understand
The terror of this
Faced with blank page
Equally blank mind
I could not have written
Anything but drivel
Though I did try
In vain it was
But the silence is ending
Thoughts and words and pictures
Flow through my mind without end
What sweet relief
As we meet again
This wonderful creativity
Some mortals do not understand
Because they have not had the joy
Of the broken silence
Because they never had the Voice
Whispering in their ear
In the first place

Geode

Geode
by: R.A. Slater
01/12/11

It's all I have to give
A single beating heart
Full of hopes and dreams
Innocent in spite of it all

As You had created me
A spark in Your imagination
Not just another cog in Your design
But a rare and sparkling gem

Hidden beneath a scarred surface
Scorned and mocked by the world
For its lack of apparent beauty
It is a rare treasure

For this heart that beats within
Was formed in the secret place
Weaved together at Your delight
Beats for You above all else

My heart has been Yours
From the very beginning
Every dream and every hope
Putty in Your hands

Beautiful is what I am
Not because of what is outside
This beauty shines from within
Facets polished by Your hand

How I delight You!
In ways others can't see
I am Your daughter
And Oh, how You love me!

Who You Are

Who You Are
by: R.A. Slater
01/06/11

You are great
In all You do
I need Your strength
To see me through
You are awesome
In Your power
The waves toss high
Knocking me down
But You lift me up again
You are the lifter
Of all the downtrodden
Of which I know I am
Ground down to dust
You shine Your light
Across my path
For I need Your help
To stay the course
There is none that compare
To the splendor of Your glory
You are God and none can compare
It is Your help that stays my course
Because that is Who You are

Dark Hour

Dark Hour
by: R.A. Slater
07/30/00

In this dark hour
When light begins to fade
When friend turns to foe
And your every breath hurts
Remember the Lord God your Savior
For He bought you with his blood.

When all around you is as the unknown
Strangers are your only ally
On the long and arduous trip
Through the fire of refining
Remember the Lord God your Savior
For He also made a long and lonely trip.

When the walls of Jericho remain standing
With not even Rahab's scarlet rope hanging in the breeze
When the enemy gathers 'round
And flexes his imagined muscles
Praise the Lord God your Savior
And those walls will come tumbling don
The darkness will part, the light will shine
Praise Him with every breath and the pain will ease
And you will have the strength to go on.

When your hope dims and your heart withers within
When your strength fails and your faith is tested
When your dreams turn to dust that blows away with the wind
Or is stolen and derailed by the enemy
Do NOT despair, for your Restorer is near
The Lord God your Savior is your hope and your salvation
In Him is your hope, your strength, your joy
It is He who holds your dreams in the palm of His hand
It is His to decide whether to rid you of them for something else
Or to give them back once you've surrendered to Him
It is He who will enable your heart and your faith
To withstand the fires of trial
And to emerge victorious, stronger, bolder
Emblazoned with His glory
To shine in this dark hour
As a testimony to His goodness and mercy
To shine as a blazing torch to show the True Way
For all who are in darkness

Presbyter Experience

Presbyter Experience
by: R.A. Slater
early 2001

Where are my words of triumph?
Where is my word of revelation?
Is there no confirmation of words past?
Do I not likewise have a vision,
And a future in this place?
Am I not also going to reach nations?
And not my books going to minister to millions?
Are not my hands and voice anointed as well?
Was my words lost in the shuffle?
Or just laid aside until a later time?
Does not God speak to me as well?
Does not His Holy Spirit bear witness to me?
Is not my heart His dwelling place?
The Word is my confirmation and comfort,
All else is secondary, though nice.
I will not doubt despair, too much,
When humans fail me.
For the Lord my God is here to stay.
Though I do not understand,
And will cry due to unmet expectations.
Yet I will trust Him, an expect Him
To have something better in store for me.

authors note: a Presbyter is when a church brings in a group of seasoned prophets for the express purpose of prophecying to the individuals in that church. Obviously, they ran out of time before they got to me his time and I was feeling somewhat discouraged.

O Lord, O God

O Lord, O God
by: R.A. Slater
date unknown, early FB years.

How it did please You
When I broke forth from my pew
Though to man I did look absurd
You shook Your head at my human embarrassment
Knowing I could not see
Just how You did view me
The pureness of heart, the absolute glee
The freedom to dance, the courage to sing
All of heaven did cheer
As I Your child did discover
That I too could draw near
And dance into Your heart
Where forever I do belong
My hands did wave, and my heart did soar
O Lord, O God - how can this be?
How is it that this freedom has departed from me?
When did their standard come in
To be first above Yours?
As though others are my judge and jury
And You the referee!
How prideful can I be
To worry how my equals judge me
When You alone hold eternity?
How foolish I know I am
To look back on that moment, and all that have followed
And see the flaws, and the mistakes - through the eyes of Man
When none of that did You see
But the beauty of eyes fixed on You
And a heart that at that moment did feel
Every drop of love that You did shed for me
If only I could never forget
The pit that You did draw me out of
And the prison You set me free from
O Lord, O God, can I ever get back
The joy and the innocence that I have so foolishly lost?
Will I ever be so carefree
As that day when it was
That I first did break free?
Please create in me a newness of life
A newness of joy and peace
And renew the Spirit that You have placed within me
Mold me and make me
A woman after Your heart alone
Knowing that no matter what
You will always love me
Even as You convict and make new
This heart that had once forsaken You
I hear in my heart Your gentle voice
Telling me of the sureness of Your forgiveness
And of promises yet to be seen
Whispers of faith untold
And of greater promises to unfold
More dances to be danced, more songs to be sung
Greater joy to be had, a deeper peace to be known
Heaven's heights will become known
And Jesus, Your face I will see
Smiling and laughing with me
O Lord, O God, my heart does leap!

Let the Storm Rage

Let the Storm Rage
by: R.A. Slater
date unknown, but it's from the same batch I just found, so it's old.

Let the storm rage
I am planted on a firm foundation.
Let the lightning strike and the thunder crash
For I know my Shelter will protect.
Let the waves wash over me
I shall not drown.
Let the winds blow
They may knock me down, but they will not blow me away.
Though I may quake and fail
His promises will endure.
He has promised to pick me up
When I fall down.
Though my heart shall fail and my soul faint
He has promised never to leave nor forsake.
Though my steps falter and wander
He is still there.
Though I cannot see Him
I know He holds me through the storm.
And when the tempest is through
I shall see things anew.
My eyes He will dry
And my heart He will revive.
He shall straighten my path
And light my way.
And when tomorrow brings a new storm
I will not fear.
I will trust Him
For I know no other way.

The Staircase

The Staircase
by: R.A. Slater
early 2000's after the New Years Eve Church service/party

On and on it seems to stretch
*This staircase in my life
Of trials and tribulations, of challenges and growth
*That I alone can climb, must climb
Though the trip is wearying
*It is not in vain
For He is a promise-keeper
*His promises are 'yes and amen'
And He has promised great things
*Though I do not see them except in my mind's eye
From where I now stand
*The staircase appears to have no end
Though I know that this is an illusion
*Cast by my perspective
Could I look down and see my life
*From heaven's higher view
I would see things quite differently
*From what I see them to be while here on earth
Though granted revelations
*Of God and of my self
That often gives reprieve of my emotions
*I often live mment by moment
Often forgetting to even ask
*For those revelations
I grow so eary of this constant climbing
*This constant battle to be who I am meant to be
In such moments God will sometimes give
*A moment to rest, a moment to breathe, a moment to reflect
Sometimes we will sit in silence together
*Grateful for each other's presence
Sometimes I will weep for the emotion of the moment
*And His loving arms hold me in a tender embrace
That strenthens me and draws me nearer to Him
*And keeps me from falling off this staircase that grows ever steeper
Sometimes I will look back down the staircase
*And wonder at what I see
Although the memory of the past steps have been emblazoned in my heart and mind
*I see only a gradual incline behind me
Littered with gemstones of tears
*Made beautiful by His compassion
Littered with the torn down alters of my life
*Now an altar to Him and Him alone
Littered with cast aside burdens
*Burdens that ever prowl, awaiting a chance to reattach themselves
How I did fight, sometimes kicking and screaming
*To give up those things that stained my worship
And when I surrendered my will to His
*How I did wonder why I fought so hard
The path before me is steep
*As it always has been
And He alone knows how many times
*I have paused in moments of despair to gaze over the side of these stairs
And into the dark abyss
*Pondering dark thoughts of giving up
But as I listen to the quiet voice within and without
*I am filled with comfort and peace
For the voice of God does not condemn me for my weakness
*No, He reminds me that He is God, and He is good
That He has given we abundant life
*If I am willing to walk in it
That I am His child
*And nothing will ever take me from Him
That the heart of the cross did beat with love for me
*With all my foibles and follies, sin burdened and alone
And so, knowing beyond feeling, that hope remains
*I rise to my feet, repositioin my armor and continue the climb
Knowing that I do not climb alone
*For He often carries me
And that the heart of the cross
*Beats for me still

Reflections

Reflections
by: R.A. Slater
12/31/00

Another year is gone, vanished like vapor
And another year is knocking at my door
As I try to decide how to greet this new year
I think on the past one and wonder -
What have I to show?
For this past year has had its share of joy,
And more than its share of sorrow.
There have been far more failures than I would like,
And too few successes.
Friends have been lost, some to the grave
And some friends are now enemies.
There are more gray hairs,
From too much stress, and too much worry,
Though there are some who say I have "the" life.
No spouse, no children or the bills that go with them,
Which translates as "You have no worries!"
How little they know! How little they suspect the truth of my life!
There are more scars to account for,
Both on my body and on my heart.
The left over marks on my hands either say I am not afraid of hard work,
Or that I am accident prone, or dare I say - clumsy.
The ones on my heart I'd rather ignore, for many of them still hurt and bleed.
But they are a part of who I am, and of who I am being molded into.
Yes, I am tender of heart and spirit
And I pray that I never become too hard.
For each of these scars are evident of God strengthening me
Through these strange and hurtful things.
He has tried me to my limit this past year,
And then asked me to stretch even further.
I thought that I would break into a thousand pieces.
With this in mind, I wonder if it is possible
To bar the door and fend off the new year?
I would that it could be possible to stop time in its track,
But then there would be no new mercies,
No new discoveries of the awesomeness of this God
Who allows me to call Him friend.
Even though He is the One who holds the entire universe
In the palm of one hand.
I would be safe if time were to stall, with nothing to hurt me,
But there would be no joy - only boring mundanity.
So come on in year 2001, have a seat and get comfy.
We'll drink some coffee and have a good Ol' time.
Bring on your trials and tribulations,
For God is in the fire with me
And I am determined to find joy amongst the thorns and the blood.
I will bear my sword and fight the good fight,
And if I should lose a battle,
Then I will heal to fight another day!
We will dance our dance and live our life and when we are through -
I will say goodbye to you as well, and welcome another new year.
Regrets I will wash away and the good I will cherish.
Bring on the good, the bad, and the ugly,
And the incidents that are curiously somewhere inbetween.
My response will be to bring out the big guns,
Verses like Jeremiah 29:11 and Deuteronomy 31:6
And not to forget Hewbrews 11:1 and 1 John 4:4
Psalm 150 has always been a good one,
So has Philippians 4:4-7
I will fling every verse above
And all the others that have been written
Into your face.
And, so, in the mean time - 2001 - bring it on!
The word says that I am armed and dangerous,
Therefore - of whom shall I be afraid?
Certainly not of you!
Perhaps, instead - you should tremble in fear of me.